PJ

Less educated guy goes diamond shopping for/with his wife

Guy - wadda hira lana oy.

Merchant -  1 caret?

Guy - pagal hai? are main gaajar karidhne nahin aaya? bada sa hira la.

Merchant - Yes sir, would 1 caret do?

Guy - sunayi nahin deta? kaan mein wadda sa hearing aid daal liyo.

Wife - Honey you are so funny, diamonds ke size ko caret hi kehte ha.

Man - Angrez bhi pagal hai, gaajar aur hire mein fark hi nahin jaante.

Man - Accha sun, sone ka haar laana?

Merchant - Would that be 20 carets or 22 carets?

Man - behara hai kya. Meine hire ki baat nahin ki. Sona ka haar la

Wife - Sweetie pie, sone khara hai ya nahin hai, caret se hi pata lagate hai

Man - To kya mein tujhse kahoon 5 Kg chaval le aa, to tu kya 6 foot ki saadi layegi kya!

he merely wields a fork, knife, or a spoon

Across the plains of Serengeti
where the Lions stride with the wapiti
walks the brave Maasai hunter
even he knows better like all wise men do
that he might sling an arrow better than the best
a rhino in its eye stare
back down an elephant mad
but the kitchen turns this intrepid man
tamer than a house cat, meeker than the lamb

For he knows that for his own good
that it is best if he opens his mouth not to roar
only to shove a piece of food

as he merely wields a fork, knife, or a spoon

There once lived a dark queen that stepped
nary a foot in the kitchen
When asked what the poor should partake
unwisely offered the advice to eat a cake
she that knew not a skillet from a forks tine
hence was consigned by the french man to the guillotine

alas if only she had opened her mouth
to shove that same piece of cake

since she merely wielded a fork, knife, or a spoon

For fools that know not
between coriander and cumin the difference
God in his infinite (un) wisdom gave such men a tongue
such men ought know that at best a decorative it is
better yet a tool to move the food in the mouth side to side

considering they merely wield a fork, knife, or a spoon

what does such a man know if he knows
not what a ladle or a skillet is used for
when such man's mouth doth open
and sound emanates
may they only utter superlatives
best or better yet best-est
when describing the efforts of the dear
I mean dear-est

on the grounds that he merely wields a fork, knife, or a spoon

speech is merely silver while silence is golden
so stay quiet you fool

for you merely wield a fork, knife, or a spoon

if such men's mouths do open
and sounds do emanate
other than wonderful-est, amazing-est, best-est
or simple the classic-est word of all greatest
when describing the efforts of the sweet-est
heresy it is
deserve they
as the Queen of Heart quoth
Off with their heads

For such men are better off without anything above their shoulders

all things considered they merely wield a fork, knife, or a spoon

gasp that such men exist that know not
if this a poem, an ode, perhaps a haiku be
lips part and out comes the sound of prattle
or worse yet the sound of a rattle
surely capable are they at the dining table of the vilest crime

But recollect what our one and only Lord prayed on the cross
Forgive them for they know not what they do

taking into account they merely wield a fork, knife, or a spoon

Ramzan - My experiences

For several years, I have thought about fasting during Ramzan. Some times it would be 3 months after, other times it would be in the middle of it. Luckily, this year, I checked the calendar on Wednesday, April 22nd and learned that Ramzan starts on the next day. So I started fasting starting Thursday. Since I did not look into the details, I found out that it actually starts Thursday evening and actual fasting starts Friday morning! So it ended up starting my fast a day earlier.

Since it was Spring, each day starts a little earlier and the day ends a little later. By the end sunrise was around 5:30AM and sunset nearly as late as 8:30PM. Since I cannot get up that early, it ended up that I ate only one meal a day for 31 straight days.

It is not technically correct that I observed Ramzan, that would require that I do not eat medicine or swallow it with water. Besides that to be a person of faith one must pray 5 times a day. So without being guilty of cultural misappropriation, I think it is safe to say I fasted intermittently.

I looked at the clock with more eagerness waiting for the sun to set than as a school boy waiting for the last days of school to end and summer to begin! Jan said, that food tasted better when one has not partaken in a morsel for 24 hours. What we missed most in the first week was caffeine. But we switched our routine and started drinking coffee just before going to bed! Oh what would we not do for the fix!

Overall it was a great experience and one I intend to repeat next year.

How old was Devavrata aka Bhishma?

If you are an Indian or are familiar with Indian culture, you must be aware of the Great Indian Epic Mahabharata. The story is rich in that it spans several generations of complex and varied characters that do not fit standard patterns of good and evil.

One of my favorite character is Devavrata (देवव्रत) also known as Bhishma (भीष्मः). It is well known that although he was addressed respectfully as grandfather, he had sired no children of his own and took care of his half-brother's children and grandchildren, having himself accepted a life of celibacy. 

He was a famous warrior, defeated entire armies single-handedly, never having lost battle, performing as well as men one-fourth his age in the grand war that is either the culmination (or denouement depending on your point of view) of the story of Mahabharata. 

I became curious to see if it was possible to measure his age based on information available in the story itself. It is obvious that the method used is by no means scientific. If you disagree, feel free to leave a note.

Devavrata's father Shantanu must have been in his 20s when he met Ganga. It did not look like Shantanu was married or had parents that arranged a marriage for him. He met Ganga during one of his solo hunting trips in the forest. Around 8 years later (there were 7 children that were born before) Devavrata was born which would make Shantanu around 30 years old. Shantanu is separated from Devavrata for around 12 years when he is taught by eminent masters and groomed to be a King fit for the throne of Hastinapuram (हस्तिनापुरम्). At the age of 42, Shantanu is reunited with his son. Shantanu spends several years in the company of his son and then he meets SatyavatI (सत्यवती). At this point Devavrata is around 18 years old and his father around 48. Devavrata having accepted celibacy (long story), becomes Bhishma the Terrible.

Shantanu lives for a few years and has a two sons, namely, Chitrangada and Vichitraveerya. Assuming that he lived for 5-7 years, he would have died at 55 and Bhishma became the steward of Hastinapuram at the age of 25. Chitrangada dies in a battle at a young age. Vichitraveerya marries Ambika and Ambalika and also dies childless. Assuming he died at the age of 20, this would mean Bhishma again becomes the caretaker at the age of 40. 

After 2-3 years, with Vyasa's help the widows have a son each Dhrithrastra and Pandu. Bhishma's age when Pandu is born around 42. 

Pandu rules for a few year; gives us his throne, in his 20s, due to his inability to sire children. Pandu wanders for several years in the forest with his wives where he has 5 sons and dies around the age of 30 when his eldest son, Yudhisthira, was around 10, the youngest twins Nakula and Sahadeva around 6 years old, and Bhishma around 72.

The 5 brothers aka Pandavas, come back to Hastinapuram and learn from Drona the art of war. As part of Gurudakshina, and they wage war on Drupada, Drona's enemy. Since all the Pandavas went to war, we must assume the youngest, twins were at least 16 years of age. This would put Yudhisthira at 20 and Bhishma around 82.

Yudhisthira is declared crown prince, rules Hastinapuram for 1 year, Duryodhana throws a tantrum, get them exiled to Varanavrata, has his henchmen burn the palace, 5 brothers escape to forest, meet Rakshashas, Bheema gets married and has a son Ghatothacha. Let us say this all this took 2 years. This puts Yudhisthira's age at 23 and Bhishma's 85.

The Pandavas marry Draupadi, settle in Indraprasta, rule for a few year, Draupadi lives 1 year with each brother, according to her vow and has 5 sons. Let us say at this point Yudhisthira is 30 and Bhishma 90 years old.

The Pandavas, spend 13 years in the forest, which would mean Yudhisthira was 43 and Bhishma 103 years old at the start of the war. The war lasted only 18 days and Bhishma lived a few weeks more to ensure he died when the sun moved northward (Uttarayana).

So give or take a few years, Bhishma died at the ripe age of 103.