Manama and Bahubali's Bidhi-bidhii-bee

I have a daughter. OK backup, I have two daughters. My younger one was year and half old when we to India.

Her name is Maalini, but she calls her Manama. Well she could not say her name very well at that age and the alternate name has stuck. Sometimes we shorten it to Mana. Finally teachers have given her a nickname and shortened it to Maa.

To return from that digression, while in India we went around Belur, Halebid, and Shravanabelagola. This post is about the Shravanabelagola, Please read the link provided for detailed information - but to summarize, it is an important pilgrim center for Jains and for most others its prime attraction is a huge almost 20 meters tall monolithic statue of Bahubali. I have attached a picture below. As you can see it is very well made in all its proportions and details including toe nails, amongst several other features.


My older daughter is a teenager and she started giggling at the sight of this statue. When asked her what the problem was became red and quiet. Manama on the other hand is very outspoken and immediately pointed at the middle of the statue and said

- Look amma, look at his Bidhi-bidhii-bee!!

Now Manama at that time could not say the word Belly-button but she was always fascinated by it. She would instead call it Bidhi-bidhii-bee.

Thank god!! We were so scared what she was going to blurt.

Now admit it, you and I have a similar dirty mind and we are thinking of something else. I wont say what it is either, let us say we are referring to a nickname for Richard.

I am a Playback Singer and So can you

Disclaimer - I am stating my opinions and not facts

Songs in Indian movies have been a staple since the inception of the movie industry itself. In the Bollywood of 1940s, 1950s and 1960s, there was a holy triad made up of great Music Directors, Great Singers, and very accomplished poets who wrote songs for the movies. This may have been true of times earlier but I do not know much about the music of that time.

Here are some singers from that period who I think were great - Mohammed Rafi, Kishore Kumar, Asha Bhosle, Lata Mangeshkar.

Then there are other singers I like a lot but I would not put them in the previous list but who still are very pleasant to listen to Mukesh, Manna Dey, Talat Mahmood, Hariharan, and Shankar Mahadevan. There are I am sure a few others I like but cannot recollect their names at this moment.

After this golden era came the period of 1970s and early 1980s when there were still great singers and music directors. Poetry to be used as lyrics became optional and pretty soon we had songs like Mein Ek Disco Tu Ek Disco Duniyan Hai Ek Disco. By the late 1980s, with the death of Rafi and Kishore and the decline of Lata (again my opinion) singing talent became optional too in Bollywood. Finally and from early 1990s except for a few songs to alleviate the dreary landscape, even music directors became optional. Bappi Lahiri ruled during this era when it became the norm to copy pop songs. So we had songs like Ramba Ho. Not many people can name many other noteworthy songs or singers from this period which I call the dark era of Bollywood Music. There was a total dearth of any quality.

In to this vacuum came Kumar Sanu aka KS

I hate his singing. I detest it. One of my friends does a very good imitation of this mammal who pretends to be a playback singer. Most of you can do it. Simple - hold you nose and sing any song, take particular pains to sound unappealing.

At this point I experienced an epiphany. If KS can sing so can we all. In fact I coined the title of this post at that point.

I am a playback singer and so can you

I know it is not a character flaw that KS brays so well. I am sure he is a good father and an admirable husband. I feel that he was lucky to become a singer during times of turmoil and he used his opportunity well. I just cannot stand his singing much less sit and listen. Here is a telling fact - AR Rahman has never used him for his songs.

For those who believe I am being arrogant in dissing KS - Yes, I can sing but unlike KS, I follow Clint Eastwood's dictum - A man's got to know his limitations from the movie Magnum Force. I know my limitations, but I guess KS does not.

PS: For people who miss the reference, I paraphrased the title of Stephen Colbert's best selling book I am America (and so can you). It is a OMG, I-cannot-put-it-down-funny book.

Limited Resources

Imagine this meal.

There are 10 people who need to be fed. The restaurant that makes the food only produces enough for 10 people. One of them is obese and eats 45% of the food. The second person is also obese and consumes 45% of the meal. These two really do not eat all the food. They give it to their equally over fed pets. The remaining 8 make do with the last 10% of the food. They have not complained so far at this discrepancy since they did not have any money and were happy at getting even those scraps of food.

Of late 7 of the 8 have become modestly wealthy and proportionately hungrier for more food. The restaurateur unfortunately is unable to cook any more food. But he sees that there is demand for his food and decides to double the price. The 7 are capable and willing to pay more money to get a greater share of the food. This is galling to the two obese people. They are irritated that they have to pay twice the amount they were paying for the same food. To add to their woes, the restaurant owner has also told everyone not to be surprised if food prices will triple in the near future. Now these two can no longer provide gourmet food for their pets.

Horrors!!

Now the two, let it not be forgotten, are still very rich. With money comes the ability to buy air time on TV, Radio, and space in Newspapers. They start circulating stories how these poor people are consuming a lot of the food and are causing ridiculous price rise. They get conservative talk shows to rail against the growing consumerism of those 7. They get the liberal media to write about global warming caused by increasing consumption of those 7. They get SPCA to complain about ill treatment and mal-nutrition of the pets.

In general they avoid talking about the real issue - their obesity, their consumption, their greed.

In case you are dense, or I am too cryptic, or both - here is the cast with real names

1. Restaurateur - Oil producers
2. First Obese person - USA
3. Second Obese person - Europe
4. Overfed pets - Monstrously big vehicles, centrally heated and cooled McMansions 200 hundred miles from civilization (and more).
   
5. 7 poor people - China and India
6. Last poor person- Others (Africa)
   

I have never been more irritated by articles in respected newspapers that talk about increasing energy needs in China and India, rising consumption of various commodities and relating it to rising prices and global warming. No one ever mentions even in passing the real number that best describes the quality of life - per capita energy consumption. Well here are some numbers for annual per capita energy consumption in a few countries. See here for a more detailed list.

1. USA - 7794 (this includes me)
   
2. France - 4518
3. Germany - 4203
4. UK - 3918
5. China - 1138
6. India - 512
7. Ghana - 400

What do you think?

Lakshvataram

Kamal is a great actor.

1. He has won a the National Film Award for Best Child Artist
2. He has won several national awards for best actor
   
3. He has won several Filmfare Best Tamil Actor Award. I would be surprised if he has not won the most number of these awards
4. He has won Filmfare Best Telugu Actor Award
5. He has won the Filmfare Best Kannada Actor Award
6. Several of his movies were nominated for the Best Foreign Language Film
7. He has won a regional Filmfare award for a Malayalam movie
8. He has acted in several blockbuster Hindi movies
   

In short, and to repeat, Kamal is a great actor.

Kamal has also done dual roles, there have been three Kamals in the same movie, and finally in Dasavatharam there are no less than 10 Kamals. I looked at the cast and was disappointed to see only ten entries for Kamal. Hence I refuse to watch this movie. I feel there are too few Kamals in the movie. One cannot get enough of Kamal. So I am going to wait for a movie where Kamal also plays the role of a pole dancing Mallika Sherawat.

Why not? Nothing is too hard for Kamal.

In fact I have a great idea for his next movie. A movie where the hero is Kamal, his girl friend is Kamal, Mom and Dad are Kamal. After marriage, his kids are little Kamals. The bad guy is Kamal, the bad girl (pole dancer) is Kamal. All the assorted side characters are Kamals. The play back singers both male and female, the director, assistant director, producer, lyricist, choreographer are all -- you got it Kamal.

Here is the neat trick - the entire audience in every movie hall is also composed of Kamal .... and I have the name for this movie - Lakshavatharam.

Remember, when this movie gets made, you heard of the scoop first in this blog.

PS: I tried some alternate names, since there are Crores of humans in India, I tried Croravatharam. It did not sound so catchy.