PJ

Less educated guy goes diamond shopping for/with his wife

Guy - wadda hira lana oy.

Merchant -  1 caret?

Guy - pagal hai? are main gaajar karidhne nahin aaya? bada sa hira la.

Merchant - Yes sir, would 1 caret do?

Guy - sunayi nahin deta? kaan mein wadda sa hearing aid daal liyo.

Wife - Honey you are so funny, diamonds ke size ko caret hi kehte ha.

Man - Angrez bhi pagal hai, gaajar aur hire mein fark hi nahin jaante.

Man - Accha sun, sone ka haar laana?

Merchant - Would that be 20 carets or 22 carets?

Man - behara hai kya. Meine hire ki baat nahin ki. Sona ka haar la

Wife - Sweetie pie, sone khara hai ya nahin hai, caret se hi pata lagate hai

Man - To kya mein tujhse kahoon 5 Kg chaval le aa, to tu kya 6 foot ki saadi layegi kya!

he merely wields a fork, knife, or a spoon

Across the plains of Serengeti
where the Lions stride with the wapiti
walks the brave Maasai hunter
even he knows better like all wise men do
that he might sling an arrow better than the best
a rhino in its eye stare
back down an elephant mad
but the kitchen turns this intrepid man
tamer than a house cat, meeker than the lamb

For he knows that for his own good
that it is best if he opens his mouth not to roar
only to shove a piece of food

as he merely wields a fork, knife, or a spoon

There once lived a dark queen that stepped
nary a foot in the kitchen
When asked what the poor should partake
unwisely offered the advice to eat a cake
she that knew not a skillet from a forks tine
hence was consigned by the french man to the guillotine

alas if only she had opened her mouth
to shove that same piece of cake

since she merely wielded a fork, knife, or a spoon

For fools that know not
between coriander and cumin the difference
God in his infinite (un) wisdom gave such men a tongue
such men ought know that at best a decorative it is
better yet a tool to move the food in the mouth side to side

considering they merely wield a fork, knife, or a spoon

what does such a man know if he knows
not what a ladle or a skillet is used for
when such man's mouth doth open
and sound emanates
may they only utter superlatives
best or better yet best-est
when describing the efforts of the dear
I mean dear-est

on the grounds that he merely wields a fork, knife, or a spoon

speech is merely silver while silence is golden
so stay quiet you fool

for you merely wield a fork, knife, or a spoon

if such men's mouths do open
and sounds do emanate
other than wonderful-est, amazing-est, best-est
or simple the classic-est word of all greatest
when describing the efforts of the sweet-est
heresy it is
deserve they
as the Queen of Heart quoth
Off with their heads

For such men are better off without anything above their shoulders

all things considered they merely wield a fork, knife, or a spoon

gasp that such men exist that know not
if this a poem, an ode, perhaps a haiku be
lips part and out comes the sound of prattle
or worse yet the sound of a rattle
surely capable are they at the dining table of the vilest crime

But recollect what our one and only Lord prayed on the cross
Forgive them for they know not what they do

taking into account they merely wield a fork, knife, or a spoon

Ramzan - My experiences

For several years, I have thought about fasting during Ramzan. Some times it would be 3 months after, other times it would be in the middle of it. Luckily, this year, I checked the calendar on Wednesday, April 22nd and learned that Ramzan starts on the next day. So I started fasting starting Thursday. Since I did not look into the details, I found out that it actually starts Thursday evening and actual fasting starts Friday morning! So it ended up starting my fast a day earlier.

Since it was Spring, each day starts a little earlier and the day ends a little later. By the end sunrise was around 5:30AM and sunset nearly as late as 8:30PM. Since I cannot get up that early, it ended up that I ate only one meal a day for 31 straight days.

It is not technically correct that I observed Ramzan, that would require that I do not eat medicine or swallow it with water. Besides that to be a person of faith one must pray 5 times a day. So without being guilty of cultural misappropriation, I think it is safe to say I fasted intermittently.

I looked at the clock with more eagerness waiting for the sun to set than as a school boy waiting for the last days of school to end and summer to begin! Jan said, that food tasted better when one has not partaken in a morsel for 24 hours. What we missed most in the first week was caffeine. But we switched our routine and started drinking coffee just before going to bed! Oh what would we not do for the fix!

Overall it was a great experience and one I intend to repeat next year.